the lovers heartbeat
syncing as two dance in step
stillness and knowing
Monday, August 23
Alice said it would be easy
don't be confused by what you see
forget what it is you think you know
faithful step into silence
gravity isn't everything
clarity is misdirection,
understanding an infection
poetry lacking in inflection
navigation sans direction
strength is weakness
dollars worthless
currency and sanity
abandoned in your song
forget what it is you think you know
faithful step into silence
gravity isn't everything
clarity is misdirection,
understanding an infection
poetry lacking in inflection
navigation sans direction
strength is weakness
dollars worthless
currency and sanity
abandoned in your song
Monday, August 9
Stop. Breathe. Listen.
So, after a long time silent, I once again have been experiencing this urge to write things down. I am never really sure what or why, but it generally turns out to be (as I have said before) a relatively good therapy session. The hedonist I am at heart likes this.
Not sure if this holds true for everyone, but I can definitely detect a pattern to the messages that come into my life when I am living in a state of awareness (I am really not a fan of those sorts of phrases generally, but alas, the shoe fits) – it seems that the songs I am drawn to, the books I read, they all tend to point me in a singular direction. Not to say that there are literal answers; but the questions line up, and knowing the right questions is the tough bit. Once you are asking the right questions, your answers reveal themselves relatively quickly. One of the major themes to me lately has been love. It is a topic I tread lighting into and not a word I throw around loosely. Sure I will use it passively - “I love this food, this music, etc”, but to actually look at another soul and tell them of your love, to acknowledge that your heart of hearts holds for them a place that up till then sat empty and undiscovered; that is no small act. It is a word I respect greatly, and as I have been discovering as of late, have feared as well. As the quote says, we do indeed fear what we do not understand.
My ability to understand a thing is tied intimately to my ability to experience a thing. It has been this was as long as I can remember. I took apart (and successfully reassembled) my first radio when I was a small boy because I had to know where the music came from. I read instructions. I get my hands dirty, so to speak, whenever possible so that I can witness first hand how something is done. As Confucius said: “ I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand” I did not understand love, how to really receive and give it; because I lacked a base-level skill. I had failed to learn to love myself. In the midst of all I had accomplished, I still believed the old lie that I was not worthy. I held fast to the myth that although I was doing all right, I was a good enough person, but never that I was a treasure. Never did I acknowledge that I was a prize. Even writing it now is not easy for me, as I repeat the words in my head they sound vain, but yet they ring with a truth that we all need to hear.
It has been quite a journey for me to get to this point. I have lived a life out of balance, both good and bad sides of the scale rocking out of kilter. I have fought to hold onto things and watched them slip from my fingers. I have tried to walk away from others only to see them on my doorstep the next morning. I am learning that it is better to place yourself in the correct river than it is to fight against the current. I have realized that I deserve the rest that peace brings. With rest, our ability to dream is restored and our hunger to learn and grow is re-ignited. Within rest we find peace, and within peace we see ourselves as truly worthy of love, and we learn that the disconnect we have felt from that peace was our own making.
And so: love. For so many years poets and authors have sought to define it, religions and prostitutes have sought to profit from it, and our collective ego has sought to destroy it. This blog post has no goals so lofty – I am just here because I am beginning to understand a sliver of what it means to me, and because, as I eluded to earlier; it feels good to talk these things out.
Love holds no hostages, it relies not on response, it does not seek to conquer, it is fluid, it sees change as life, it does not deal in expectation nor assumption.
Also, as I learned just today, it is not ever found for long at 143.5 centimeters (or, 4 feet 8½ inches).
Not sure if this holds true for everyone, but I can definitely detect a pattern to the messages that come into my life when I am living in a state of awareness (I am really not a fan of those sorts of phrases generally, but alas, the shoe fits) – it seems that the songs I am drawn to, the books I read, they all tend to point me in a singular direction. Not to say that there are literal answers; but the questions line up, and knowing the right questions is the tough bit. Once you are asking the right questions, your answers reveal themselves relatively quickly. One of the major themes to me lately has been love. It is a topic I tread lighting into and not a word I throw around loosely. Sure I will use it passively - “I love this food, this music, etc”, but to actually look at another soul and tell them of your love, to acknowledge that your heart of hearts holds for them a place that up till then sat empty and undiscovered; that is no small act. It is a word I respect greatly, and as I have been discovering as of late, have feared as well. As the quote says, we do indeed fear what we do not understand.
My ability to understand a thing is tied intimately to my ability to experience a thing. It has been this was as long as I can remember. I took apart (and successfully reassembled) my first radio when I was a small boy because I had to know where the music came from. I read instructions. I get my hands dirty, so to speak, whenever possible so that I can witness first hand how something is done. As Confucius said: “ I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand” I did not understand love, how to really receive and give it; because I lacked a base-level skill. I had failed to learn to love myself. In the midst of all I had accomplished, I still believed the old lie that I was not worthy. I held fast to the myth that although I was doing all right, I was a good enough person, but never that I was a treasure. Never did I acknowledge that I was a prize. Even writing it now is not easy for me, as I repeat the words in my head they sound vain, but yet they ring with a truth that we all need to hear.
It has been quite a journey for me to get to this point. I have lived a life out of balance, both good and bad sides of the scale rocking out of kilter. I have fought to hold onto things and watched them slip from my fingers. I have tried to walk away from others only to see them on my doorstep the next morning. I am learning that it is better to place yourself in the correct river than it is to fight against the current. I have realized that I deserve the rest that peace brings. With rest, our ability to dream is restored and our hunger to learn and grow is re-ignited. Within rest we find peace, and within peace we see ourselves as truly worthy of love, and we learn that the disconnect we have felt from that peace was our own making.
And so: love. For so many years poets and authors have sought to define it, religions and prostitutes have sought to profit from it, and our collective ego has sought to destroy it. This blog post has no goals so lofty – I am just here because I am beginning to understand a sliver of what it means to me, and because, as I eluded to earlier; it feels good to talk these things out.
Love holds no hostages, it relies not on response, it does not seek to conquer, it is fluid, it sees change as life, it does not deal in expectation nor assumption.
Also, as I learned just today, it is not ever found for long at 143.5 centimeters (or, 4 feet 8½ inches).
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
