On a Sunday Morning Sidewalk

Ah, a rare quiet Sunday morning. There are plenty of things I really should be doing, but instead I find myself laying in bed wandering in thought.

I friend of mine recently wrote this -

"And, actually, even though it doesn't make a lot of sense, I find
that when I'm around more people, I feel more lonely than when I'm
more by myself or just with a few people." - SPV

I have started and stopped writing a blog post several times in these past weeks around the topic of loneliness, and when I read her words It actually did make a great deal of sense to me. Lately I have been experiencing a pretty intense experience to the people and environment around me. I am much more aware of them collectively, meaning their hearts,pain,joy... whatever. It's a hard thing to explain; and honestly I feel no need to explain it; but it is there. I am still at a stage where it is difficult to process all the raw data that comes with seeing into a group of people like that, I really am not sure it would ever not be that way to be honest. The strangest thing about it is that you simultaneously feel extremely connected to and yet isolated from those around you. There are no barriers, you see the essence of who and what they are. The mystery disappears, the illusion of newness is gone, the “clean slate of a stranger” shattered.

When you are with those you connect with, it is an amazing experience – when you are surrounded by those who are not, it leaves you about as isolated as you can get. This isn't really a bad thing; I am learning that there is a purpose to these times of isolation. It is then that I remember that I am loved, both by myself and others, and those bonds anchor me.