Papillon

a·lone
adj.
1. Being apart from others; solitary.
2. Being without anyone or anything else; only.
3. Considered separately from all others of the same class.
4. Being without equal; unique.
adv.
1. Without others: sang alone while the choir listened.
2. Without help: carried the suitcases alone.
3. Exclusively; only: The burden of proof rests on the prosecution alone.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


“Alone” is one of those words… We all use it; it has too many applications to be truly avoided. Even though its usage is commonplace, its invocation has not lost its impact. Nobody wants to be the one left alone. It conjures up different images in each of us… none more real than the other; weather it is the first day at a new school as a kid, or the overwhelming isolation that a room full of people provides. The very essence of who we are longs for a sense of belonging, and given enough time it will find it….. Regardless of what that entails.

So I suppose I am curious what that will look like for me. Right now I am occupying myself with logistics and pretty much avoiding the emotional side of things. Today was a great example of this; my wife and I had about a 30 minute conversation about the separation timeline, who gets what and when I move out. I realized afterward that I really felt nothing about it… and with that came the knowledge of just how intense this is going to be when I finally allow myself to process. But that is a pain for another day, and before I feel that, I will get to define exactly what it means for me to be alone.