ponder

“Into my hands have come many things
You should be disappointed
For I have wasted most of these
My innocence and youth, I poured them out like water
And to think to you that I am
Still worth saving from the fire
Too many compromises to get me through the day
Help me make the choices, sometimes I am afraid
When I'm deaf to everything but the cry of my own pain
Give me the grace to trust You, I cannot walk away”
- Kevin Prosch -

If there is one topic I try and steer clear of, it is ones faith mechanism. We all have one in one way or another, and in my experience it is singularly the most galvanizing topic that can be discussed… there is just too much baggage that comes with the word. As of late, I have been noticing that part of me waking up, working out the atrophy, reminding me what it was to be aware of, well, God.

I hesitated for a long time posting about this, as I hate the idea what I would somehow be associated with the Jerry Fallwells of this world. I get shivers in my spine when I think of “those” people, and what they do everyday… religion makes me want to vomit. Dogma is the grotesque mockery of the relationship that is spoken of in scripture; and that so many have made it a vehicle for hatred fills me with sorrow.

For the record:

I am not homophobic, and proposition 8 is a travesty.

I am not a member of the Republican Party.

I am not of the opinion that you can have a society based on liberty and take away a woman’s right to choose.

I am repulsed when people shove their belief system down others throats.

I knew what it is to look at the mess that is my life, and feel peace. Grace. To know that something far bigger than me gives a damn what happens to me; and I know that I want to have that back… and not have the bullshit that so many package with it. I know its there, waiting… its under the scars of the last few years, I just need to find it.